All I Ever Have to Be

There comes a time when I feel like I would like to do more than what I am doing right now (as a wife and mom); to be somewhere more "exciting"than when I am right now and to become somebody than who I am right now. It's a gnawing sensation that doesn't seem to stop unless I do something about it.

Oftentimes, I find myself living in the past; thinking what could have happened if I had only chosen the other path of the bifurcating road that was in front of me then. I could have been this; I could have done that; I could have been there. What adds fuel to the fire is that, in many cases, I compare my life and myself with others. Why am I not like him/her?

Then this song I learned when I was younger than today (heehee) reminded me of where my perspective should be...

When the weight of all my dreams
Is resting heavily on my head
And the thoughtful words of help and hope
Have all been nicely said
But I'm still hurting, wondering if I'll ever be the one
I think I am
I think I am

Then You gently re-remind me
That You've made me from the first
And the more I try to be the best
The more I get the worst
And I realise the good in me is only there
Because of who You are
Who You are

And all I ever have to be is what You've made me
Any more or less would be a step out of Your plan
As You daily recreate me, help me always keep in mind
That I only have to do what I can find
And all I ever have to be,
All I have to be,
All I ever have to be
Is what You've made me.

It's not about me. It's not about what I do. It's all about Him who has wonderfully created me and purposefully placed me in this world. Like the potter to a clay, He designs me according to His divine will and reasons. He directs me towards the path that He wants me to traverse.

It's not just about the dreams (whether immense or small) that are seemingly sleeping inside my heart but it's about the Giver of these desires and aspirations. It's about being obedient to His call. I may be doing "great" or "more" things in people's eyes but if they're not part of His perfect design for me, then that will mean nothing; those are nothing. And since He lovingly placed those dreams in my heart, He is also faithful to fulfil those through me. All I need to do is to trust Him; obey and believe that all I ever have to do, all I have to be, is what He has made me.